Fall for Despair

[JayJay]

Part One


Tell me…
What’s the big deal, being part of this world?

Answer my question…!
Why am I here and what should I do?

Am I useless?
Were you useless, too?

Well, if that’s the way it is, why existing and receiving pain?
Living day by day, being picked by others or killed by “the other ones”…

Are the other ones those who understand?
Why am I travelling in darkness, sitting here, crying for you?

Is my body still here or am I already part of the other world?
Would it be better, living and existing there on the other side?

Could I turn around and leave?
Can I tell it living and existing?

My bones are weak, like my mind and my soul
Are they gone? Should I follow?

My body is an empty wreck
Only skin and bones are left… I can’t feel my muscles

But wait, is that you?
Have I just received one flash of your shining light?

No, that was just an illusion
Just a dream

Please help me or I will lose my mind…

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Part Two


C’mon wake up!
Why’re ya just sitting there doing nothing?

I’m here, don’t ya see?
I’m always here with you, watching and keeping an eye on you

You’ll be safe from now on, because I will protect you
Stand up, I don’t wanna see ya suffering

Why are you crying, why don’t ya move?
What’s the big deal, are you really suffering because of me?

Can’t you understand that I would never wanna see you cry?
Can’t you understand that you’re hurting me, letting me see you suffer?

You can’t do this to me, was my travel for nothing?
You’re just sinking into dark holes, what’re you want me to do?

I can’t return, you know that
But I can protect you!

So come on, move your paralysed bones and muscles
And stand up!

Do it for me, do it for you
Without you I can’t survive here on the other side

And my travel would be for nothing…

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Part Three


A warm embracing light is wrapped around my entire body
Warms me, lights me, wakens my soul

Where does it come from?
It seems like it’s shining from high above

So what’s it’s source?
Is that you?

Were you really talking to me?
Is it too early to leave?

Now I understand your words that tell me to stand up
What have I done? I’m sorry.

I’ve caused you a lot of pain, I gave up, trying to escape to the other world
But how cruel the strangers of this place may be, it’s too early to leave – that’s what you said

So I will listen to your words and do whatever you tell me
Because I owe you my life, even if yours has gone

And as the sun appears,
throwing its shining light through the dark clouds that has blackened my soul,
my body awakes from the cold,
paralysing pain, and I manage to stand up

In front of me the beautiful blue sky extends until the end of the world
Then I take a step, the first one for a long time.
The gate I’ll enter contains my new life.
Without you and always with you.

My fall for despair is finally over.


© Julian Jungermann, 12. Sept. 2006