Oceanblue (Haiku) bei Poetry.de

Moonway · 23.07.2024, 20:48

Fear - Pain - Mind insane
Guardian Angel spreads her wings
Soul feels oceanblue

Schreibfan · 17.11.2024, 23:24

I like it. I think it's a Senryu. The second line has one syllable too many. How about "Guardian Angel spreads wings"? Just a suggestion. Greetings from Schreibfan

Moonway · 19.01.2025, 10:42

Zitat:

Zitat von Schreibfan

I like it. I think it's a Senryu. The second line has one syllable too many. How about "Guardian Angel spreads wings"? Just a suggestion. Greetings from Schreibfan

Thank you - and yes, you are right there is 1 syllable too many - think I kind of "swallowed" the Guard(i)an- I did not notice until I read your comment.
I will think of a solution because the word "her" is important. What about "Saving angel spreads her wings" ?

Liebe Grüsse

23.07.2024, 20:48	#1
Moonway Dabei seit: 07/2024 Ort: Düsseldorf Beiträge: 27 Meine Gedichte	Oceanblue (Haiku) Fear - Pain - Mind insane Guardian Angel spreads her wings Soul feels oceanblue

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17.11.2024, 23:24	#2
Schreibfan Dabei seit: 02/2014 Ort: bei Stuttgart Alter: 41 Beiträge: 1.020 Meine Gedichte Meine Favoriten	I like it. I think it's a Senryu. The second line has one syllable too many. How about "Guardian Angel spreads wings"? Just a suggestion. Greetings from Schreibfan