|
|
Internationale Gedichte Sämtliche nicht-deutschsprachige Gedichte. |
|
Themen-Optionen | Thema durchsuchen |
19.06.2009, 22:21 | #1 |
Dreams and fears
I see a house,a road going up and down
five people living happily together -year after year. The sun is shining,kids are laughing People enjoy their life,full of success, freedom and satisfaction. Everything is in it's right place. Perfect.How it should be. Suddenly everything changes. Grey rainclouds appear in the sky. The sun disappears and hides in the past. I see people,different,strange..and sad Everything has changed. What happened to the past full of freedom,luck and happiness? Hopefully the grey rainclouds will go back where they came from. Sun,where did you go?Where are you? And when are you coming back to me? |
|
23.06.2009, 13:56 | #2 | ||
Hi,
I especially like the image of the sun seeking shelter in the past. Not bad! Yet I would propose diversifying your vocab a bit. Sounds a bit non-native ;-) Some minor corrections & suggestions to be found below. Cheers, MovFaltin Zitat:
Perfect. How it ought to be. Zitat:
Sun, where have you gone? Where are you (now)? And when will you... |
|||
23.06.2009, 14:19 | #3 | ||
Hi Movfaltin,
Zitat:
Zitat:
Chino |
|||
Lesezeichen für Dreams and fears |
|
Ähnliche Themen | ||||
Thema | Autor | Forum | Antworten | Letzter Beitrag |
Dreams of hope | Chino | Internationale Gedichte | 4 | 19.06.2009 17:12 |
dreams | Alexiel | Internationale Gedichte | 4 | 03.05.2007 13:53 |
fears of the night | H-erzlos | Internationale Gedichte | 3 | 28.10.2006 17:59 |
The land of dreams | Mummy | Internationale Gedichte | 5 | 11.06.2006 13:33 |
abgekabelt - wireless dreams | Hassi | Geschichten, Märchen und Legenden | 0 | 05.09.2005 09:30 |