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Internationale Gedichte Sämtliche nicht-deutschsprachige Gedichte. |
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Themen-Optionen | Thema durchsuchen |
08.03.2010, 15:50 | #1 |
headlined
suicide-seeing tours
souled out, time for business seats in the front row happy new fear- less than addiction again and a gain sweets to go for free, dominos falling off the day |
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21.03.2010, 01:38 | #2 |
Hi muhn,
that really got me. Great puns, and not a bad style of interweaving them. But: I would rather have the alliteration a bit levelled down (i.e. suicide-watching instead of seeing, watching would imply intention, which, in turn, would fit best into the souled out context (if you are in love with those esses, you might as well take "suicide-stare safaris," etc., albeit I would not like the "stare" in there). I also like the happy new fear - less stanza; really a gain. But I feel a bit stuck with that last stanza of yours, the one with those dominoes. In case you mean those German "Dominosteine," there does not seem an English equivalent: http://dict.leo.org/forum/viewUnsolv...p=ende&lang=en Less than a diction indeed, hope you're doing fine, cheers, Mov |
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25.03.2010, 16:15 | #3 |
Hey mov,
thanks for your view on this lyrical "pun"ishment of media-hyped issues. Regarding my "s"-capades I really like your "suicide-stare safaris", that's def. an alternative to the first line. Although I like the "suicide(sight)seeing"-pun as well, which was the "fundamental" idea of the whole text. Not sure bout the dominoes-thing (thanks for the correction), I looked it up on dict.cc and found an expression. During my stay in England I heard some people talking bout the "domino-effect" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domino_effect). I'm sure you also got penetrated by the yearly "domino day" tv-event, which was another source of inspiration for this. I used it here for both news and people as (free)dom-inos. Thanks for reading and commenting. moon |
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