Throughout

[IsabelG]

Cropped the tickled laughs
in shortcake, only semi-sweet
and swinging to tounges
lingering on and on and on,

like fresh cake kisses
with buttersmudged pictures
on minds,
through wide opened windows,
could have
poured honey all the way
on and so on,

but glancing at the unleashed
tumbling, by rerolled dices
and curtains on our minds,
staying truthfully here to be

wrong.

[moon]

This is damn good Isa. From the very start of this poem "throughout" every stanza it seemed to me as if something´s "wrong" within the pictures you create. "Tickled laughs cropped in shortcake" is one of my favourites. There are apparently some really harmonic pictures at first. But always in combination with a disturbing one. It´s a large pool of words you dig in and "fresh cake kisses with buttersmudged pictures" is a good example for it.

The first time I read it, I thought that the final lines of stanza one+two were a bit too repititive but after a few times of reading these repititions became obvious and simply right.

It´s great to read this one, Isa!

moon

[IsabelG]

Thanks a lot moon this ist really nice to hear from you! You got quite a good picture of what I wanted to tell. Yes, every stanza has a lightly disturbing touch to it. This was purpose and I am glad you noticed it, cause it isn`t that obvious to tell.

Well, the repetition of the last lines...I thought about it a while because it`s not easy repeating without disrupting the flow of it all. I am very glad you liked it, after all, it was a little experiment.

Thank you again for reading and commenting.

Greetings,
Isabel