minimalist

[moon]

trapped in your sole possession
holding on to floating senses

unarmed in your arms tonight
your fake smile dazzling
in my torn open eyes

reduced to a minimum
of what I used to be

[IsabelG]

Hi moon ,


once again a very nice Text of yours! A little Snack for in between, something to read when my brain gets to stuffed up I thought about it a while and I was even a little bit dissapointed that I didn`t find too much to critisize but youre english ist just too good and I like the way you write you know that

trapped in your sole possession
holding on to floating senses

In the first line I would not have written instead of "sole possession" just "possession". I dont like the way the word "sole" reads and sounds when I speak it out loud. The second line is just fine!

unarmed in your arms tonight
your fake smile dazzling
in my torn open eyes

When I read this the first time I stumbled over the word "unarmed" in connection with "your arms" but it`s just a matter of reading it slowly.

reduced to a minimum
of what I used to be

my favourite lines of the whole piece. The titel shows here very well and it just comes to a nice to read end.

The whole Poem is just like the Titel says very "minimalistic" but in it there is once again so much to read. I see someone holding on to another person, overseeing all the bad and artificial. The person that ist holding recognizes the changes within but just can`t let go.

Thanks for showing us and lettig me snack on it.

Greetings,
Isabel

[moon]

Hi Isa,

yeah a snack! That´s what it is. I appreciate that it tasted well for you. The first line was exactly like this in my mind when I woke up this morning. Don´t ask me why. The word "sole" came to my mind again and again and I was thinkin bout the connection to the "soul". It is a seldom word, I admit, but therefore it´s hard to change it now.

The first line of the second stanza was a problem at first. Instead of "unarmed" I could have said "disarmed", but it´s not about to be disarmed by someone, rather than to have no weapons at all.

Your way to understand it as whole sounds well, too. But I was more thinkin about a person who is lost in a situation. Indeed, it´s inside of a relationship between two people, but the protagonist cannot stand the artificial (as you said) no more. In that case, no one should have the power to help him, only himself. And to find a solution, he has to go the way of complete reduction of his feelings, to the very start. So he became minimalist again.

Thank you for your opinion. It means a lot to me.

moon