Morningsnow bei Poetry.de

IsabelG · 13.10.2009, 21:52

The sounds of dawn keep crashing
in endless frames of life.
Where night had swallowed day
the morning came unfinished,
but with him he glimpsed
a slight change in color.

Awakening red light
turned into puzzles of snow
moving, falling, in tiny bits
got tangled in our hair,
but not taking steps
for all we could do is stare.

movfaltin · 15.10.2009, 21:46

Hey,

one of the finer English poems in here. It does not seem too German. And I really like the beginning. But, at the very beginning of the 2nd stanza, isn't there an article missing?

Cheers,
MovFaltin

IsabelG · 15.10.2009, 21:55

Hi,

I am glad you liked it. I am a native english speaker although I am missing some practice.

You mean:
The awakening red light ?

probably. Well it sounds right to me

It`s possible to put in an article but just as well leave it like it is.
Like I mentioned I grew up speaking english and german and didn`t really learn english through school so I just go by the sound and if it feels right.

Greetings,
Isabel

movfaltin · 15.10.2009, 22:13

Yep, indeed.
You know the phenomenon of hyper-correction? Quite usual with competent English speakers dealing with what they assume is non-native text. I would have suggested the line read "An awakening red light," just for the sake of consistency (as it appeared to me; there is an article poem-initially, too, in a similar environment). Works either way, though.

Honestly, I am delighted with good English texts (there are hardly any good / correct German texts in here, I'm afraid). It's good to know that with future poems of yours I will basically have to swap my levels of expectation ;-)

Cheers & keep on cheering people up with those,
MovFaltin

IsabelG · 16.10.2009, 05:48

Oh yes, I quite know this phenomenon =) but I assume you are a very, very competent english writer, reader and speaker, that allowes you to take notice of such small differences.
To tell you the truth the first version of this poem hat included an an at the very beginning of the stanza but I have the tendency to always take away words that wouldn`t make a difference to the meaning. I am very fond of a minimalistic and repetitive way of writing, I just can`t really always get it to read like I want and I don`t really have the courage to repeat like I would want to.
Thanks again for your compliments. I will try keeping up with your expectations in the future

Greetings,
Isabel

13.10.2009, 21:52	#1
IsabelG Dabei seit: 10/2008 Ort: eschwege Alter: 41 Beiträge: 533 Meine Gedichte	Morningsnow The sounds of dawn keep crashing in endless frames of life. Where night had swallowed day the morning came unfinished, but with him he glimpsed a slight change in color. Awakening red light turned into puzzles of snow moving, falling, in tiny bits got tangled in our hair, but not taking steps for all we could do is stare.

15.10.2009, 21:55	#3
IsabelG Dabei seit: 10/2008 Ort: eschwege Alter: 41 Beiträge: 533 Meine Gedichte	Hi, I am glad you liked it. I am a native english speaker although I am missing some practice. You mean: The awakening red light ? probably. Well it sounds right to me It`s possible to put in an article but just as well leave it like it is. Like I mentioned I grew up speaking english and german and didn`t really learn english through school so I just go by the sound and if it feels right. Greetings, Isabel Geändert von IsabelG (15.10.2009 um 22:01 Uhr) Grund: typing error

15.10.2009, 21:46	#2
movfaltin Dabei seit: 06/2009 Ort: Glei newwa da Elegdrisch Alter: 42 Beiträge: 130 Meine Gedichte	Hey, one of the finer English poems in here. It does not seem too German. And I really like the beginning. But, at the very beginning of the 2nd stanza, isn't there an article missing? Cheers, MovFaltin

15.10.2009, 22:13	#4
movfaltin Dabei seit: 06/2009 Ort: Glei newwa da Elegdrisch Alter: 42 Beiträge: 130 Meine Gedichte	Yep, indeed. You know the phenomenon of hyper-correction? Quite usual with competent English speakers dealing with what they assume is non-native text. I would have suggested the line read "An awakening red light," just for the sake of consistency (as it appeared to me; there is an article poem-initially, too, in a similar environment). Works either way, though. Honestly, I am delighted with good English texts (there are hardly any good / correct German texts in here, I'm afraid). It's good to know that with future poems of yours I will basically have to swap my levels of expectation ;-) Cheers & keep on cheering people up with those, MovFaltin

16.10.2009, 05:48	#5
IsabelG Dabei seit: 10/2008 Ort: eschwege Alter: 41 Beiträge: 533 Meine Gedichte	Oh yes, I quite know this phenomenon =) but I assume you are a very, very competent english writer, reader and speaker, that allowes you to take notice of such small differences. To tell you the truth the first version of this poem hat included an an at the very beginning of the stanza but I have the tendency to always take away words that wouldn`t make a difference to the meaning. I am very fond of a minimalistic and repetitive way of writing, I just can`t really always get it to read like I want and I don`t really have the courage to repeat like I would want to. Thanks again for your compliments. I will try keeping up with your expectations in the future Greetings, Isabel