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Internationale Gedichte Sämtliche nicht-deutschsprachige Gedichte.

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Alt 11.03.2010, 18:19   #1
weiblich Veva
 
Benutzerbild von Veva
 
Dabei seit: 03/2010
Ort: Südbayern
Alter: 29
Beiträge: 45

Standard Drowning

she knows, once she will have to learn
but from this point is no return
now open door invites to leave
she's panicing, she cannot breathe
its over, ever was sche knows
its dark and cold, the wind, it blows
she cannot hear, she cannot see
she wants to go, she wants to flee
it has no point, she'll never make
cause life's to fast, she can't escape
in her own past she runs away
tryes to forgett instead to stay
and fighting down whats drowning her
one day she's gonna dissaper

because you cant escape your live
your past, your thoughts, they will arrive
as soon as you have sttled down
fight on or you're gonna drown.
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Alt 21.03.2010, 01:20   #2
männlich movfaltin
 
Dabei seit: 06/2009
Ort: Glei newwa da Elegdrisch
Alter: 42
Beiträge: 130

Zitat:
Zitat von Veva Beitrag anzeigen
1. she knows, once she will have to learn
2. but from this point is no return
3. now open door invites to leave
4. she's panicing, she cannot breathe
5. its over, ever was sche knows
6. its dark and cold, the wind, it blows
7. she cannot hear, she cannot see
8. she wants to go, she wants to flee
9. it has no point, she'll never make
0. cause life's to fast, she can't escape
a. in her own past she runs away
b. tryes to forgett instead to stay
c. and fighting down whats drowning her
d. one day she's gonna dissaper
e. because you cant escape your live
f. your past, your thoughts, they will arrive
g. as soon as you have sttled down
h. fight on or you're gonna drown.
Hi,
several remarks:

2: ...there's no return...
3: ...is inviting her... [rather find some replacement]
4: ...panicking...
5: ?!
6: ...wind it is blowing...
9: ...make it
a: ...she's running away...
b: ...tries...forget instead of staying...
c: ?! [a bit unclear] ...what's...
d: ...she will...
e: ...can't escape from... [or use flee instead or sth. alike]
g: ...settled...

Greetz
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