Haunted ghost story

[day dreamer]

Each one of us has a story,
it's laying deep inside.
At a point where dead is every memory
and nothing anymore is shining bright.

It's a mixture of dark creatures
and invisible mirrors of our fears.
But don't look away, they can be good teachers;
although it might bring you to tears.

Screaming masks - they are looking into your face;
full of hate, fear and mysteries which will never be solved.
And at the same time with a haunting, beautiful kind of grace.
A part of you where you are now involved.

They say we are all stories in the end.
And maybe this is true.
But then those stories - we will never fully understand.
They are closed by an all mysterious clue.

[Gemini]

Hi Daydreamer, ich hab mich ein wenig damit gespielt, listen:


Each one of us just has a story, laying deep inside
A point where dead is memory, and nothing´s shining bright.

A mixture dark of creatures, invisible our fears
Don't look away, they´ll be good teachers
although they bring you tears

Their Screaming masks - they look into you, right into your face;
They full of hate, and fear and misery which never will be solved
And at the same and with a haunting, beauty kind of grace.
A part of you is then involved, and stands where you are now

They say we are all stories lasting in the end
And maybe it is kind of true

But then these stories never- we fully understand
They wrapped in a misery clue and closed till all it´s end


Lieben Gruß

Gem

[day dreamer]

Hi Gem,

Thanks ;-).

Ich finde deinen Vorschlag echt cool.
Irgendwie gibt die veränderte Formulierung dem Gedicht an vielen Stellen einen, meiner Meinung nach, entscheidenden Schliff. Ich finde, es klingt so irgendwie poetischer und mysteriöser.
Also vielen Dank ;-).

Ich habe gerade gelesen, dass ich beim Eintippen sogar noch eine Autokorrektur meines Computers übersehen hab. Es soll heißen: "A part of you where you are not involved", nicht "now involved". Ich dachte gerade kurz, dass das auch nicht schlecht klingt. Aber es geht mir ja um das Unterbewusstsein, um Elemente der eigenen Seele, die der Verstand nicht wirklich erfassen kann.
Deshalb passt "not involved" doch besser, denke ich.

Das einzige, was mir an deinem Vorschlag nicht so gut gefällt ist das "just", was du im ersten Vers noch mit eingebaut hast. Ich möchte, dass die Betonung dort auf "story" liegt und das wird durch das "just" etwas abgeschwächt, finde ich.

Liebe Grüße,

Day dreamer

[day dreamer]

Each one of us has a story, laying deep inside
A point where dead is memory, and nothing's shining bright.

A mixture of dark creatures, invisible our fears
Don't look away, they'll be good teachers
Although they bring you tears.

Their screaming masks - they look into you, right into your face;
They - full of hate and fear and mystery which never will be solved.
And at the same time with a haunting beauty; a kind of grace.
A part of you is then not anymore involved.

They say we are all stories lasting in the end
And maybe it is kind of true

But then these stories never - we fully understand
They are wrapped in a misery clue and closed till all it's end.