Their'll always know (kritik erwunscht)

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Their'll always know me as the helpless one
Who couldn't safe a word since many times upon
I am a warrior without the will to fight
I can't see a reason to survive in this life

Their'll always hate me, when I'm going home
Without that I've have done the things I have to do
I can't end the things I started, because the fin is gone
As I fall so deep in the ground, I thought about you

Their'll always say my name in many wrong ways
What I want but never will have is my own release
This life isn't carefull to me, there to many days
Shall I live in a restless world or die in peace?

[Alfonsea]

Hi Supercookie... hab vergessen wofür es steht - ich bitte um Verzeihung!
Düsterer Text der mir Inhaltlich ganz gut gefällt, im folgenden habe ich die Rechtschreibfehler die mir ins Auge gesprungen sind mal korrigiert und ein paar Anmerkungen hinterlassen.

Grüßlie von Alfy


They'll always know me as the helpless one
Who couldn't save a word since many times upon
(was bedeuted hier das upon?)
I am a warrior without the will to fight
I can't see a reason to survive in this life

They'll always hate me, when I'm going home
Without that I have done the things I have to do
(ohne WAS hast du getan..? )
I can't end the things I started, because the fin is gone
(ist 'fin' hier eine Kurzform für finish oder ein Wort das mir fremd ist?)
As I fall so deep in the ground, I thought about you
(Hier würde ich lieber 'through' als 'in' verwenden, das kommt dem was du sagen wolltest deutlich näher)

They'll always say my name in many wrong ways
What I want but never will have is my own release
This life isn't careful to me, there are too many days
(Ich weiß nicht, was du hier mit careful ausdrücken wolltest . ? )
Shall I live in a restless world or die in peace?


PS: don't die too early, peace will come when it sees its time!

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Fin - Ziel
Mit carefull wollte ich sagen, dass Mein Leben mich nicht borgte

Vielen Dank .

Ich veröffentliche es nochmal mit deinen Verbesserungen + Strophe 4

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Und Achja

SoulCookienator D

[Alfonsea]

"This life doesn't comfort me"

würde soviel bedeuten wie " Dies Leben bietet mir keinen Trost/keine Ruhe

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Danke