Episode 7

[Ex-Ralfchen]

Episode 7

When they found out about her sin
they planned her lustfull punishing.
And so her favored monk for play
was it to hurt her bad thought they.

He hit just softly her on naked skin
and soon was in her softness in.
He was as gentle as it get,
scorching her tightness hot and wet.

She gave up and fulfilled his will,
nevertheless and held until
he finished, back her mind,
playing the lustfull women kind.

[Ilka-Maria]

Zitat von Ralfchen

Episode 7

When they found out about her sin
they planned her lustfull punishing.
And so her favored monk for play
was it to hurt her bad thought they.

He hit just softly her on naked skin
and soon was in her softness in.
He was as gentle as it get,
scorching her tightness hot and wet.

She gave up and fulfilled his will,
nevertheless and held until
he finished, back her mind,
playing the lustfull women kind.

Na ja, man merkt, dass dir dir die englische Sprache nicht fremd ist. Jedenfalls hast du einen reicheren Wortschatz, als man ihn für gewöhnlich in Poetry vorfindet. Allerdings bleiben manche Verse inhaltlich unverständlich, was wohl auf den Reimzwang zurückzuführen ist. Zum Beispiel ergibt der letzte Vers der ersten Strophe für mich keinen Sinn. In der zweiten Strophe stört stellenweise die Syntax, und zweimal "soft" ist einmal zu viel. Mit "as it get" wechselst du von der Vergangenheit in die Gegenwart, das ist nicht nur ungeschickt, sondern es müsste "as it gets" heißen. Bei "in her softness in" stört das wiederholte "in", aber dafür weiß ich selbst keine Lösung.

Bei der letzten Strophe kann ich nur raten, was genau gemeint ist.

Bei "lustful" hast du ein "l" zu viel.

Statt "punishment" sich auf "punishing" zurückzuziehen ist gemogelt, kann man aber des Reims zuliebe durchgehen lassen.

"back in mind" ist zwar nicht falsch, aber das Metrum holpert gewaltig.

Vielleicht wäre es so etwas verständlicher:

When they found out about her sin
they planned her lustful punishing.
And so her favored monk for play
was named to lash her vice away.

He hit her mildly on bare skin
and soon was in her softness in.
He was as gentle as to get,
scorching her tightness hot and wet.

She gave up and served his will,
however beared the woe until
he finished, having back in mind
playing the lustful women kind.